You'd think I would - I like cartoons... I like sponges... I like nautical stuff... I love Clancy Brown... what's missing?
For starters, I can't seem to watch an episode without feeling nauseated - it may be a highly detailed illustration of toe nail fungus or eyeball veins, but there always seems to be something that makes me want to wretch.
And I can appreciate programs that offer something for both adults and kids - Looney Tunes being the Grand Poobah of this genre - but while it works for my kids, it does nothing for me.
Now unless you've been living in a pineapple under the sea, you know how much I'm in the minority here. Everyone loves Spongebob - he's like Raymond, only yellow and more porous.
So I guess I'll have to make my peace with the videos, the games, the clothes, the backpacks and all the assorted merchandise. But it doesn't mean I have to like it.